I would like to reflect back on 2011.

But…um…I’m just not that philosophical.

And, I’m too freakin’ tired to pretend to be.

So…I’ll just say,

“Happy New Year!
May good things come your way in 2012, like…um..sleep!”

I remember in my last few weeks of pregnancy, all my friends with kids kept telling me…

“Erin – CHILL OUT!  Relax.  Read books.  Sleep in late, and go to bed early.  Kick your feet up.”

Instead…I spent my last few weeks painting the house, ‘finishing’ renovating the kitchen – which, consequently, is STILL not finished, and in general, keeping myself busy doing anything BUT relaxing.

If I could go back in time and stand before that Erin, I would take her by the shoulders, look her in the eye, then slap her upside the head (gently of course).

Actually…would I?

Because, now my friends with TWO (or more) children are telling me, “Erin, sleep when Rya naps.  When you have two children, you won’t have this luxury….take advantage of it now”

And, so far, I have NOT taken their advice.  Even though I know it would be a smart thing to do (especially on the days she wakes up at 4AM…which lately, has been EVERY DAY!)

Naps just seem so…I don’t know what the right word is…self-indulgent?  That’s not right.

But I feel guilty.

On the days I actually DO decide, “Yes…i’m going to have a nap” – the moment I lay down, I start thinking of all the things I *should* be doing.

Anyone else feel the same way?   And if so, any strategies to ditch the guilt and catch the Zzzz’s?

Because…mama needs ALL the energy she can get to keep up with this zippy child!

When I first started this blog, I was certain I would be updating it every other night, detailing all the great things we got up to and the milestones Rya was hitting.

That didn’t happen.  But, I DID capture lots of iPhone images!

Now, the idea of going thousands of iPhone photos to pull out my favourites was far too daunting…so I just randomly scooped some…blurry or not! (but hey…life goes by in a blur – so why not the montages too!)

Maybe next year I’ll sit down and make a better montage – right around the time I start working on Rya’s newborn album. haha

Enjoy mom

They say a photo is worth a thousand words…so, let’s just start with this…

Words cannot describe how much I love this photo…so I’m not even going to try…seriously.  Every time I start to write, I’m reduced to tears.  She has captured a piece of my family history forever and I am so very grateful.

What you can’t see in this photo is the locket I am wearing that has captured Rya’s attention.  It is my grandma’s locket.  And inside, a photo of a young, handsome man – my grandpa.  My daughter never had the chance to meet her great grandparents, but with the help of photographs, hopefully she’ll feel like she gets to know them a little…and with it, some of her family history.  Because our photographs truly do act as visual reminders of our family’s history.

So many of my own ‘childhood memories’ happen to have photos to go along with them.  Why?  Because my mom and dad were snap happy and had the camera out at all times?  Heck no!  It’s because when we would pull out the family photo albums once a year, the pictures would remind my parents of the stories, and they would tell my sister and me.   And so, those were the ‘memories’ that stuck.

I would leave it at that, but I’m compelled to say this…

As moms, we tend to be the ones toting the cameras around, and forget to (or purposely choose not to) put ourselves in front of the lens.

When we do, we can usually be found saying things like, “I hate getting my photo taken.  I’m totally not photogenic.  Can you photoshop me thinner, taller, shorter, blonder, less grey, less wrinkly….etc etc”

I admit, I am guilty of this too.

But what message am I giving to my daughter?  What message am I giving myself?

So, from now on…I’m going to like being behind AND in front of the lens – how about you?

Because I guarantee you this…Rya is NOT thinking, “does this outfit make me look fat?”

* My heart is capable of holding more love than I ever thought humanly possible

* My entire mood can be lifted by the tiniest grin

* Baby teeth are sharp…like, crazy razor sharp!

* I have become one of those mothers that uses spit to clean my baby’s face

* Sleep isn’t as necessary as I once thought it was

* No matter what you do, there’s a book saying you are doing it wrong.  There’s also a book saying you are doing it right.  To hell with the books!

* Watching my baby’s face light up when I walk into the room melts my heart.  Every. single. time.

* If you need to be somewhere at a certain time, without fail, seconds before walking out the door, you’ll have to deal with a blowout.

This Mother’s Day, I hope to have a relaxing, snuggle kind of day (as I haven’t been able to fall back asleep since our 3AM feed) – however, now that Rya has figured out crawling, she’s got places to go and things to see!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the loopy mamas out there!

It starts off with dragging poor Rya to mommy bootcamp, when all she really wanted to do was nap.

She was a sport though, and humoured me by watching me jump around like a mad woman from her car seat.

She got a bit fussy 15 minutes in – which is when I realized she really needed a diaper change.  Oh. Understatement.

She needed a diaper change AND a new outfit.

Blowout.

Second “F” for mommy – I forgot to pack her another outfit. 

Well…the jumper was multi-coloured, and I figured no one would notice the yellow stain on the side, so we stayed….just 45 more minutes  to go baby – hang in there.

I resume the circuit, placing her back in the car seat on top of the buckles.

Next thing I know, I see my baby launching towards me ‘a la superman…’

Miraculously, she managed to keep her body in perfect flying form, holding her head up looking at me with an expression of, “You are SO getting bad-mommy-of-the-year-award for this!”

SPLAT

Her little belly and chunky monkey legs take the impact – her hands slap down in front of her….her eyes are still fixed on me, “BAD, BAD Mommy”

She let me have it.  And rightly so.

She’s fine.  I’m not. I keep thinking how bad it could have been if she didn’t have her hands out, and smashed her face into the hard gym floor.

F…F….F

(um…now this is the part where you reply with a story how you did something bad once too (or know someone who has)…and I’m not the most rotten mommy in the world).

I don’t know what is so different about “7 months old” vs “6 months” – but it really feels different.  Like she isn’t a baby anymore.

Which is rather ridiculous.  But…I don’t know…it just feels different.

Perhaps it’s because her personality is really beginning to shine.  And she is doing ‘little people’ things like eating food, drinking from a cup and…(we had a big moment today!) for the first time ever, Rya has figured out how to propel herself forward!

It was like watching a salmon swim upstream.

She would wriggle forward, in pursuit of the object placed just out of her reach.  She would gain a few inches, and then slide herself backwards an inch.

Undaunted, she would start the wriggling process again.

Bum lift. Wiggle…wiggle…. and little by little…she made her way forward, until SUCCESS!  She reached the reward (a plastic bag of all things!)

I felt ridiculously proud of her.

Watching your little peanut figure out new things is pretty amazing.  So is being a mama (even on those days when it doesn’t feel amazing because you are riddled with mommy-guilt…like on our last trip to the Island…more on that later!)

(special thanks to Robyn from State of Grace Photography for the photo, taken at our ‘Fit by Design‘ coffee outing!)

You know when you meet someone, that special someone, and it turns your whole world upside down.

You can’t get enough of each other.  You hardly see your friends.  You stop trying to make new ones.  You don’t even notice if you have eaten that day.

You fall off the face of the earth…and those times when you might actually be around other people, you aren’t really there…you’re still off in your own little ‘private world’ with your special someone (flying through the sky in a red convertible?  ok…maybe not that part!).

And then, one day, you wake up and think, “Oh, hello world.  Nice to see you.”  But no one is saying ‘nice to see you’ back – and you realize that you are missing a bunch of your connections because you have neglected them.

I feel a bit like that.  Sorry friends.

And sorry blog.  I’ve neglected you too.  But at least I know you don’t care.

Anyone else feel this way after having a baby?  Am I normal? (ok…I know I’m not normal…but is the feeling normal?)

I hosted my first Christmas dinner.

I’m not sure I recommend that combination.

Actually – there is nothing wrong with the combination – just make sure ‘I need help’ are words you will actually say versus attempting to out-Martha Ms. Stewart herself (which, by the way, is never likely to happen!)

It started off calm enough, with a lovely sleep-in with my daughter.  Daddy made us coffee, Rya tore into her gifts (literally – she’s pretty good at opening presents!). Then, it was time to get started on dinner.

First, there was a big ol’ turkey in my fridge that needed to be tackled.

Having never made a turkey before, I thought maybe these things were hard to do.  YouTube to the rescue!

Soon I was removing neck and nasty bits, rubbing it down like a pro and stuffing it like there was no tomorrow.

“Hm”…I thought, “there’s nothing too difficult about making a bird!” – (even if I had to improvise on the ‘tie up with string’ instructions!)

Next up, the ham.   A little criss-cross clove studding and a sweet honey glaze, and we were off to the races!

The sweet potato casserole was prepped and pastry for the apple pie was already made and in the fridge.

We are all set to have a nice early 5PM dinner (which was important with young kids in the family)

By 4:30, the turkey was ready to come out and the ham and was smelling amazing (and I’m not even a big ham fan).  At this point, all that needed to happen was for the sweet potato casserole to go in the oven, the cranberry sauce to be made (which was a snap), and the salad dressing to be whipped up.

But at this point, Rya needed to go down for a nap.

45 minutes later, the rest of family had arrived, but instead of having a sleeping baby upstairs and dinner on the table, I was handing off an over-tired baby to my sister and heading back into the kitchen.

We had now slipped past our original dinner time.

We still would have been on for a 6PM dinner – however, I got it in my head the apple pie NEEDED be completed at this stage…and this is where it all went sideways.

Ever try to roll out pastry dough in a kitchen that is about 30 degrees?  Bad idea!

But I persisted…and persisted…while putting meat carving on hold while I tried to get it done .

In the living room, I could hear my daughter getting unhappier.

The casserole came out needing to caramelize a wee bit longer, so I popped it back in the oven to broil for “one minute” and started the cranberry sauce.   As I continued my futile battle with the overheated pastry, listening to my daughter start to really cry, the cranberries began to boil over, and I suddenly smelled burnt peacans – Eek!  The casserole!

I quickly finished making a very sad-looking lattice crust for the pie, popped it in the oven, and left the kitchen to scoop my crying baby while hubbie went to work carving up the meat.

Bon appetite everyone – start dinner without me!

As I stepped into the nursery, turned on the soothing music, and sat in the rocking chair with Rya to nurse,  I took a deep breath, and had to chuckle.

That was ridiculous.

There were so many sets of hands just waiting (nay…hovering!),  for me to simply say, “I need help.”  And what the hell was up with my pie obsession?  (was this tied to some sort of postpartum hormone imbalance or had I just gone temporarily insane?)

Anyhow, about 20 minutes later when she was fed and sleeping, I came downstairs to find empty plates on the dinner table.

Empty, clean plates.

And a hungry family.

They had waited for me.

(swallow big lump in throat).

It was now past 7:30.

I would like to say at this point, the rest of the evening was calm and relaxing….but hey, we had some overtired kids, Rya woke up 10 minutes into dinner, and in the meantime, I managed to drive my head into the bathroom door, resulting in a fast-rising goose egg (the most comical part may have been the reaction at the table...“Put some ice on it quick, it’s getting big!”  “No…seriously…get some ice on it now!”)

The dinner tasted great though… I think?  I don’t remember?  Concussion? (hehe…just joking)

But, with such a late start dinner, and everyone full of turkey, the sad-looking pie ended up just sitting on the counter silently mocking me.

Damn-you pie.

“Sparks Story Starters!” – created right here in Kamloops by local Mom, Tamara Vukusic & her husband.

What are they?  In a nutshell…

Spark Your Imagination Story Starters is the fuel your kids’ imagination has been waiting for. These 50 kid-tested scenarios kick-start creativity and get kids talking. (I totally just swiped from their website! – could you tell?)

(and how cute is this  “testimonial”)

- Adam, aged 5 says
“Can you ask me the one about my pet dragon and how I sneak it into school? I have a different end now… “

And – here‘s the best part – because I’m a self-proclaimed iPhone junkie – you can get these cards on your iPhone!

Download the app here (or search “Spark-2″) (just .$99!) – and trust me, when you are waiting in line at the airport, in the middle of your roadtrip, or at the mall, and your children are getting bored, that will be the best damn $.99 you ever spent!

Of course, if you happen to LIVE in Kamloops – you can go get the real deck of cards too!(and you should!)
(Find them at the Kids Room, Tumbleweed Toys, Frou Frou Monkey, the Mulberry Bush & Full Boar Bicycle – just $13.99 -they make a GREAT stocking stuffer)

Why might you want the cards over just the iPhone app?

1.  For one, your reading-age children could head off with them on their own (you may not wish to send them off with your iPhone!) Of course these days, maybe the kids even HAVE their own iPhone!

2. The visiting grandparents can use them with the children to get re-acquainted (again, you may not wish to send your parents off with your iPhone either! hehe)

3. If you are using them in the car and you are driving, you’ll totally get busted if you use the iPhone app!

4. And I guess…maybe you don’t HAVE any iPhone?  Could it be?  Is there life without one? hahah

Tamara mentioned you could put a card at each place setting at the Christmas dinner to engage in some lively conversation.  I could have used those a few years ago when the conversation turned to grasshoppers (yes -grasshoppers) – and went on for 45 minutes about the poor farmers fields….sigh

Don’t have kids?  Well, quite frankly, I don’t think these are ONLY just for kids either – I might just pull out my deck on New Years – after a glass of wine (yes…one glass is all it takes after over a year sans-alcohol’) – I’m pretty sure I’ll be coming up with some seriously great story lines!  Who’s coming to MY New Year’s party?!

In any case – I think this idea just ROCKS! (and they definitely would help “Loopy Mamas” be a little less loopy over this holiday season!)

Ok – reader participation time!  Let’s see what YOU can come up with using this sample “spark starter”)

And I have an empty bed.

Sob.

Ok…chin up mama, I know this is part of the whole ‘growing up’ thing that inevitably happens the moment they arrive.  But I have to say, I’m having some trouble sleeping without her beside me (which might explain writing this post at 1 in the morning).

A few days ago, we had the craziest of nights where she was up to snack every hour.  It wasn’t that she was hungry…she would just inch-worm her way over to me, smack her lips, and say, “hand over the boob woman!”

I had become “soothe-a-boob.”  And, I have to admit, I was only too happy to oblige (fully realizing all veteran moms will be clucking their tongues at me…is that the expression?  Does one “cluck their tongue?”)

Anyway – I really wasn’t worried about the clucking moms, but I figured it couldn’t be good for Rya if she was up every hour to snack (she clearly has inherited my will power when it comes to snacking! hehe), so two nights ago, we moved her to the bassinet beside our bed.

Might I add, I’m on the side of the bed against the wall, so there is my husband between her and I – which feels like a really big distance…it might as well be Siberia (yeah…I tend to dramatize, I know)

But I really do feel like I’m floating around this empty bed, with part of me missing.  I know she is 3 feet away.  But I miss her terribly.

Confession: last night, after her 5AM feeding, I brought her back to bed with me for a morning snuggle.  Cluck away.  This mama needed it! And she slept quite peacefully with me until 9AM, so I think Rya needed it too.

I hope she gets some will power and we can go back to sleeping together (or maybe I’m the one that needs some will-power!)

“Letting go….”  Clearly I still need some work on this concept!