My baby girl is 4 months old today.
And I have an empty bed.
Sob.
Ok…chin up mama, I know this is part of the whole ‘growing up’ thing that inevitably happens the moment they arrive. But I have to say, I’m having some trouble sleeping without her beside me (which might explain writing this post at 1 in the morning).
A few days ago, we had the craziest of nights where she was up to snack every hour. It wasn’t that she was hungry…she would just inch-worm her way over to me, smack her lips, and say, “hand over the boob woman!”
I had become “soothe-a-boob.” And, I have to admit, I was only too happy to oblige (fully realizing all veteran moms will be clucking their tongues at me…is that the expression? Does one “cluck their tongue?”)
Anyway – I really wasn’t worried about the clucking moms, but I figured it couldn’t be good for Rya if she was up every hour to snack (she clearly has inherited my will power when it comes to snacking! hehe), so two nights ago, we moved her to the bassinet beside our bed.
Might I add, I’m on the side of the bed against the wall, so there is my husband between her and I – which feels like a really big distance…it might as well be Siberia (yeah…I tend to dramatize, I know)
But I really do feel like I’m floating around this empty bed, with part of me missing. I know she is 3 feet away. But I miss her terribly.
Confession: last night, after her 5AM feeding, I brought her back to bed with me for a morning snuggle. Cluck away. This mama needed it! And she slept quite peacefully with me until 9AM, so I think Rya needed it too.
I hope she gets some will power and we can go back to sleeping together (or maybe I’m the one that needs some will-power!)
“Letting go….” Clearly I still need some work on this concept!
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